Armed with my festival to-eat list, I set out, an intrepid explorer extraordinaire, and determined:
Kill: Refreshment CoolPost/Refreshment Port/Coffee Carts/Any Other Normal Part of Epcot Pretending to be Not a Normal Part of Epcot
You were already here, guys. You have limited-run menus all the time. Stop cluttering up the festival map. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.
Refurb: Desserts & Champagne Kiosk
A quick glance at the festival map and instantly I knew this was my refurb pick. I LOVE champagne. But seriously, I LOOOOOVE DESSERT. SUGAR. SUGAR PLEASE. ALL THE SUGAR. If you do not want your sugar, I will not berate you; I will merely relieve you of your sugar. Happy to help!
$32 glasses of Dom Perignon? No alts less than $10? Chocolates you can buy at your local store? A single dessert trio with no option to buy individually and frankly nothing that stands out as innovative, unique, or just-plain-drool-worthy? YOU CAN'T FREEZE S'MORES, OKAY???
I want to love you, Desserts & Champagne. I do. But you need a menu overhaul.
Marry: Greece, and by "Greece" I Specifically Mean "Griddled Cheese"
I dunno. I didn't know what to put here. Lots of kiosks have things that interest me, but what with all the reviews out recently a lot of my opinions have changed. Perhaps it damages my integrity if I admit that I therefore made my decision based not upon the collective offerings of a single kiosk but rather I chose the kiosk that had the item that excites me most.
But guys, I have been dying to try the griddled Greek cheese with honey and pistachios for years. YEARS! It looks amazing, the reviews are, shockingly, all but across the board amazing, and I am SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED that I finally get to eat it.
Honorable Mention: The "MLT" Award (When the Mutton is Nice & Lean)
The real Dread Pirate Roberts has been retired fifteen years and is living like a king in Patagonia.