Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Kill/Refurb/Marry: Extinct Attractions

It's Kill/Refurb/Marry time again! I found this installment of the monthly blog hop particularly fertile. This time around we're talking about extinct attractions. Strap in!

Kill: American Idol: The Experience

Man, an embarrassment of riches with this one. Body Wars is a decided no thank you on my part, but since I never rode it I can't speak to it knowledgeably (although I can viscerally, and my viscera say: NO GOING INSIDE PEOPLE I'M LOOKING AT YOU MAGIC SCHOOL BUS).

I came THISCLOSE to killing Superstar Limo, too. Since I made it to California Adventure during the extremely brief period the ride actually existed, I think I am uniquely qualified to judge this perplexing and unpopular attraction as easily murdered.

And then I remembered that American Idol: The Experience was quite recently a thing. What are some words I can use to describe my opinion of AI:TE*? Awkward, forced, cringe-worthy, inferior prizes, total time suck for everyone involved. DO NOT WANT. Next!

* Hereinafter to be referred to as Aiight.

Refurb: ExtraTERRORrestrial Alien Encounter

I know. I KNOW. A lot of you just LOOOOVED this ride. But I do NOT like touching under the best of circumstances. I still haven't even tried the replacement Stitch ride - I went through the line once but took the chicken exit in a panic because NO DON'T TOUCH AHHHH. Add a horror element and I can only imagine if I'd ever gone on Alien Encounter I would've had a nervous breakdown.

All that having been said, I find the concept very interesting. Can we bring it back, but offer a stand-off-to-the-side-and-just-watch option? All the animatronics, light flickers, and frightening sound effects, none of the saliva, hot breath, and fake alien fingers?

Marry: Horizons

The obvious choice is of course Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, but since it still exists in Disneyland I feel like it doesn't qualify. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? Again, Disneyland.

I thought about demanding that Dreamfinder be brought back immediately, but as the Journey Into Imagination still exists in a different, albeit inferior iteration, I don't think that works either (and anyway I mentioned it last time).

I finally landed on Horizons, that much-loved dark ride that bowed in favor of Mission: Space. And as much as I love me some Gary Sinise, I must say the deletion makes me sad. I have fond memories of discovering the attraction with my family in sixth grade, and since this was in my No Roller Coasters Too Scary phase, I was thrilled to find something so gently entertaining. The scenes were cute and the finale "motion simulator" video was fun. And when I later found out that it was meant to be a sequel of sorts to the Carousel of Progress, I loved it even more.

If ever there was an extinct attraction with an enormous fan base, it's Horizons - someone even recreated the entire thing virtually, which is a nice stopgap but not quite the same. Please, Disney, won't you give us back our Horizons?



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2 comments:

  1. lol I am there with you on the "stand and watch" section of Alien Encounter! In my Kill/Refurb/Marry I killed it because that touching thing freaks me out too. I even had a nervous breakdown on Stitch so good call. I never got to see Horizons, but I've heard so much love for it.

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    1. Feeling SO justified for skipping Stitch! I can't believe kids don't freak out on that thing.

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