Thursday, May 17, 2018

In Which Jenn Has A Mothereffin' Mantra

I stayed at my parents' home in NC when I ran the Wrightsville Beach Marathon. Naturally, for the long weekend away I brought along some Runner's World magazines. For theming, of course!

Post-race and oh, so well-deserved shower, I plunked myself down on the bed and flipped through an issue. I hit upon an article about the importance of having a mental plan in place for a race. Having just run a marathon, I was nodding along - I firmly believe that the only difference between a marathon finisher and non-finisher is that when the finisher hit the wall, they kept on plugging anyway.

But the bit about race mantras threw me off. Race mantras, RW declared, should be purely positive. While there is the rare person who responds to expletives, they should be avoided.


I thought back to my, er, "motivational phrases" during the marathon I had literally just run. I've never been one to swear like a sailor, but whatever internal coach my brain channels definitely does. During the race, I asked myself repeatedly if I was a pansy-ass motherf***ing QUITTER. I called myself all sorts of names. And I told myself some of your standard "you can do this" general stuff as well. But mostly the self-flagellation and swearing. 

I dunno, though. I may be in the minority, but I think this approach kinda works for me. Mind you, if a real, external person tried the same tactics to get me to do some, I would immediately sit down right on the trail and refuse to budge, because that's the kind of jerk I am. But somehow when I yell at myself like that I know I'm doing it because I know I can do it. I'm asking myself if I'm a pansy-ass because I'm NOT a pansy-ass! Watch me get that medal!

During the Parkway Classic, I was powering up a hill when my mantra popped into my mind. This time, it immediately made me laugh.

And so I think, for now, I shall be maintaining my race mantras just as they are... motherf***ers.

What's your race mantra?

Don't forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.comSee ya real soon!

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

The Fairest Week In Review: 5/16

HELLO! I'm coming off an AMAZING weekend. Moon - remember Moon? - she got married! In the same place Will Smith got married if that helps you envision it!

She had the most gorgeous dress and a lovely ceremony and good food and awesome people and a great after-party and I got cake and champagne and made a joint toast with my co-maid o' honor Elizabeth and everything was magnificent.

I still got my runs in for the week, though! I can prove it:

Sunday | ran 10.27 miles outside in 1:45

Monday | walked 2.41 miles outside in 40 minutes; 60 minute ballet class

Tuesday | ran 5.28 miles outside in 55 minutes

Wednesday | ran 5.17 miles outside in 55 minutes

Thursday | walked 2 miles outside in 35 minutes; 60 minute ballet class
Actually I'm not sure how far I walked because my GPS went haywire and started logging ridiculous speeds, so I just went with the minimum distance I tend to achieve along my usual walking route in the usual amount of time.

Friday | ran 5.3 miles outside in 55 minutesAnd then it was off to Baltimore for wedding shenanigans!

Saturday | rest
I love cake.

Seriously, LOOK AT MOON'S DRESS!!!!

Ugh. Insurmountable. If I ever get married I may as well do it in a potato sack, because why bother?

Wait. What are we doing again? Week in review? Right! To the roundup!

Monday, May 14, 2018

In Which Jenn Remembers Tangled A Little Differently

Are you familiar with the Mandela Effect? It's the theory that, since a huge group of people remember Nelson Mandela dying in a jail cell in the '80s even though he didn't, there must be an alternate universe where this did happen. Another famous example is the Berenstein/Berenstain Bears debate. 

Basically, it's any time you absolutely definitely undoubtedly remember something happening a certain way, and you are 100% wrong. Don't feel bad! Maybe you accidentally slip-streamed into the wrong universe! Best of luck getting back.

And in my universe, the Tangled script looked juuuuust a bit different.

Remember this bit at the end of the Snuggly Duckling scene? The one after the song where they let Rapunzel and Flynn escape?

If you can't watch video or it stops working, it goes like this:

Except I swear to God I remember the big warrior dude saying "your dream SUCKS." Not "stinks." SUCKS. And I remember thinking a) that that was HILARIOUS and without question my favorite part of the whole movie and b) how far have we come that Disney now uses the word "sucks" freely? (But not "butts." Never butts.)

Of course we haven't because they didn't. I am obviously completely wrong, as evidenced by, well, the movie itself. But darned if the sucky memory doesn't stick there, haunting me with its inaccuracies. 

I understand there's a ritual where you can jump to an alternate universe by, like, locking yourself in a dark closet with a mirror or something like that. Maybe I should try it?

Don't forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.comSee ya real soon!

Thursday, May 10, 2018

In Which Jenn Creates A Running Allegory Or Whatever

Sometimes training runs are easy. And sometimes they're hard. Some days you love running and some days you hate it. Sometimes you start off fine and then, suddenly, you run into an obstacle.

Sometimes you can see it way far ahead in the distance and it makes you nervous and tense. How can you possibly handle this issue?

And then you get closer and you're like, yeah, that's a problem.

But luckily, nine times out of ten, if you look around a little you'll find a new path, and you can go on your merry way.

I hope this metaphor was helpful to you. Mostly what I'm trying to say here is LOOK AT THE GINORMOUS TREE THAT LANDED ON MY RUNNING TRAIL.

Don't forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.comSee ya real soon!

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

The Fairest Week In Review: 5/09

Ummmm, hold on just a second. I need to say something.


Thanks, I just needed to get that out of my system. We can do the workout log thing now.

Sunday | ran 10.1 miles outside in 1:45

Monday | walked 2.26 miles outside in 40 minutes; 45 minute ballet class

Tuesday | ran 5.42 miles outside in 55 minutes

Wednesday | ran 5.29 miles outside in 55 minutes

Thursday | ran 5.28 miles outside in 55 minutes
No ballet class, so I moved my run up a day.

Friday | walked 2.29 miles outside in 40 minutes

Saturday | rest
I picked up my bib for the Wayfarer Half. because for some reason they give you a full month to get it? Which is nice, although I did kinda miss the expo experience. And then I went to Elizabeth's birthday party and discovered that I'm really good at a board game called Meeples Circus. I wander if there's a career path in that. 

I'm not sure if I'll get my usual long run in this Sunday, but it's for the BEST reason: my girl Moon is getting married this weekend! :D :D :D I'm looking forward to pretty dresses and champagne and cake and hopefully not drinking too much champagne before my speech but definitely drinking it after.

I'm taking Pat as my plus one, sorry. But maybe you can fill your time with the roundup instead?

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

In Which Jenn Finds Some Curioser & Curioser Disney Clothing

Can we talk for a hot second about the bootleg Disney clothing that riddles Amazon?

As part of my Disney Dandy(tm) duties, I like to stay apprised of the latest Disney clothing offerings so that I might better outfit myself in the parks. Mostly this manifests in Hot Topic taking all my money, but there are other sources out there, too. You can find things like t-shirts at Five Below, fancy shoes at ThinkGeek, handmade ear headbands on Etsy, and, of course, everything under the sun on Amazon.

The thing about some of these Amazon offerings is that they're v. under the radar, as apparently some of the manufacturers are using Disney characters without obtaining proper licensing. How do I know this? Well...

Here we have a dress featuring "Kittens."

And here's another that's "Colorful."

This one is apparently "Snow White," which....?

Perhaps you would prefer a "Prince & Princess."

(This same seller also offers the same dress in a Heironymous Bosch print, which brings me no end of amusement.)

This manufacturer must think Tim Burton is steak sauce, because this dress is labeled "A1."

Now for my favorite: check out these pants, featuring a "Splicing Animal."

I'm not here to narc on any of these businesses - it's all Disney legal's problem, not ours. And I still think Hot Topic is the best place for Disney clothing purchases for variety. But I can't say I'm not enjoying how some of these clothing companies are pretending that they're completely unaffiliated.

P.S. I'm just realizing now my screenshots include my potential gift list for Pat, for some reason? So if you see him, don't tell him what's on it. Thanks! :D

Have you ever purchased bootleg Disney merch?

Don't forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.comSee ya real soon!

Friday, May 4, 2018

Happy Friday: But WHY Do We Run?

And now for a rare look inside the minds of your apparently individually sentient, anthropomorphic insides.

Don't forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.comSee ya real soon!